Psychotherapist in london  

M.A. UKCP Registered
Psychotherapist in London

07503 598168 Contact Me


Self-Esteem and Confidence

Self-EsteemWe all want to have high self-esteem and feel confident in ourselves, but sometimes we are instead filled with self-doubt and fear. When we have strong self-esteem and confidence we are willing to take risks, to try new things, to talk to people, and launch projects with optimism. When we lack confidence all of these things can seem very difficult if not impossible. Extremely low self-esteem and lack of confidence can be crippling, filling us with wretched feelings about ourselves and our potential. Nobody wants that.

If you have low self-esteem or low self-confidence you may struggle with difficult and painful feelings such as shame, fear and frustration. These feelings may be preventing you from siezing (or even seeing!) opportunities to succeed in different areas of your life. They can blind you to your own potential. When our self-esteem is low we tend to shrink away from life. We are too timid to ask for what we want or take actions to fulfill our needs, because we feel we do not deserve to receive anything good.  We may even allow others to mistreat or abuse us, because we feel this is what we deserve.

Confidence buildingLow self-esteem can develop as the result of not being treated as valuable and worthy by others as a child. Strong self-esteem and confidence is a natural result of having been fully supported and appreciated as a child. If this doesn't happen, or if we get repeated criticism or harsh treatment as children, it can be very difficult to believe in ourselves and feel that we are capable, good and worthy of good things.

Low self-esteem can also arise from guilt or shame we feel about doing something we believe is morally wrong. But rather than believing that we can set it right and taking steps to do so, we can brand ourselves as permanently "bad". Out of this belief we may take it upon ourselves to dole out our own punishment by depriving ourselves of positive experiences. Rather than forgiving ourselves and moving on, we can remain stuck.

So what exactly is self-esteem? We could see it as a measure of how much we view ourselves as valuable and worthy of receiving attention, respect, care, consideration, and positive things of any kind. Confidence is related to self-esteem and is  a measure of how much we believe we are capable of meeting the demands of our life and attaining our goals.

But what do strong self-esteem and confidence actually look and feel like? Are they ways of thinking or a special set of beliefs? Are they a feeing we have in our gut? Are they a way of talking and relating to people? Are they expressed in the way that we carry ourselves; the way we walk, stand and sit and generally occupy space? Although we may say we want to be more confident, often we don't think in much detail about what it would mean if we were. We might just imagine it as an almost magical, invisible substance; either we've got it or we don't.

If overcoming low self-esteem and building confidence is what you seek, I can help you understand and address the roots of the problem. The past can't be changed, but it can be recognised for what it was and we can stop blaming ourselves so much. At the same time, we can take responsibility for today and tomorrow. ==While understanding the causes of poor self-esteem can be very helpful, it is not enough.

Low self-esteem solutions will also entail changing the way we think about ourselves today, while also trying out new behaviours. One of the ways to begin making this shift will be to bring more attention and appreciation to the strengths and positive qualities that you already possess. I am very good at finding these and I will help you see them, own them, use them and live from the belief that you ARE a valuable and worthy person who deserves good things and that you can do what is necessary to make them happen.

We CAN develop greater self-esteem and build our confidence. This is not wishful thinking. There is no magical invisible substance we can take, but we can address and resolve our past and learn and practice the skills of confidence today. We can gradually overcome our historic fears and the small ways that we have come to think of ourselves and embrace all of our potential.

Click here to contact me about setting up an initial free consultation.


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